Going through...to get to...
I recently went through a difficult experience where a situation turned against me. Suddenly I was being accused of doing harm when my intention from the beginning (as always) had been to do good and raise the vibration.
As I struggled with my shaken sense of purpose and second-guessed my intuition that had led me to this place, I also shared my experience with those closest to me. I discovered there were others in my life going through parallel challenges specific to their own experiences, and equally difficult.
A friend of mine quoted her therapist, who told her that in times when you’re presented with something that you must go through, you can create more suffering by trying to go around it. I could relate to the urge to try to go around, and I was also aware that I was being called by Spirit to trust the situation, even when things didn’t look like I wanted them to.
It took a few weeks for things to resolve, and those were uncomfortable weeks. And then suddenly, everything was different. Another dear sister was also going through something difficult, and she asked what tools I used and what I did as I was going through the situation. I replied in a long message, which, when I finished it, felt like something that should be shared more widely:
I sat with the discomfort and worked on acceptance of the situation as much as I could.
I pulled oracle cards over and over again until they became meaningless. For the record, none of them reflected the external and internal crisis I was experiencing. They seemed to be tapped into the wider story and didn’t even consider this a blip. Just part of the journey. One I drew was pretty pointed: “You know the answer.”
I sat in meditation, I listened carefully, I asked for signs.
I tried to run away and then caught myself and made myself stay.
I reached out for help to receive reflections of myself from people who knew me forever and could speak to my character with confidence when I couldn’t trust my own inner guide.
I touched the sore points inside me and cried.
I went for body work sessions and shamanic healing.
I went to see my angel-channeling mentor.
I kept moving and kept doing other self care like spending time with my kids and exercising and hugging trees and making tobacco offerings.
I asked “I wonder what comes next?” Which I think are my magic words because when I said them everything changed instantly.
I drew connections to my own declarations and manifestation of only wanting to work with initiated people.
I kept repeating these mantras: You are held with love in multiple dimensions and through time. I expand in abundance, success and love every day, as I inspire others to do the same. You are where time comes from.
I practiced the earnest belief that everything in this life occurs in service to your evolution. Even when at first glance it’s the last thing you wanted and it fucking sucks and the last thing I wanted to do was say ‘thank you’.
I started a Kundalini 40-day Sadhana, an aura-strengthening kriya.
I learned from this experience both the work of my commitment to trust Spirit no matter what and also that I had set these events in motion by making a formal declaration that had unforeseen consequences. What I thought I knew was not what it seemed, and the series of unfortunate events that followed were exactly what I had asked for, even though I didn’t know it at the time. It doesn’t always (read: will never) unfold as you expect it will.
Be mindful of what you wish for, and stay fearless when your wishes come true in unexpected ways—because when you get to the other side, you’ll see why you had to go through hell to get there. You didn’t wish for the wrong thing; you just didn’t anticipate how the wish would unfold.
And for the record, in the relatively short time period since this all went down, the situation has changed drastically yet again. The second time in two months that the rug got pulled out from under me was far easier to handle. In fact, I laughed out loud, because the 'reprieve' I received turned out to be a far shorter time frame than I expected before the Universe set the next train in motion.
Can you stay grateful in the face of the unexpected and intensely uncomfortable? I wish this for you. It makes the ride so much more enjoyable. I do recommend that you hang on, though. It's a wild one, and only going to get wilder. WHEEE!